Ojamajo Doremi Comedy Theater
by S.P.D. Gold Ranger
Summary: I was reading my Garfield books the other day, and I got to thinking: what if the Ojamajos were in such situations? Pure silliness abounds in this little collection, so read and review when you're done, but no flaming, okay?
1. Act I

Author's Note: This is just a cute little collection of short skits where Nick and Momoko (along with other _Ojamajo Doremi _characters) just do silly things. Enjoy! BTW, the characters may seem OOC here, but that's why it's a parody. And just for reference, Nick and Momoko are both 18 and they both live in their own house.

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_Act I_

"Ah, it's good to be back at the ol' diner!" Momoko exclaims.

"Hi, hon!" Irma the waitress exclaims, walking up to the two. "What can I get you?"

"For starters, a spatula," Momoko replies. "My hands are stuck to the counter."

"Some things never change," says Nick.

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"How about your ham, Irma-chan?" Momoko asked. "Is it fresh?"

Suddenly, a loud oink can be heard.

"Yes," Irma promptly replied.

"Check," Nick stated.

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"This coffee is great, Irma-chan!" Momoko exclaims, setting down her cup.

"Thanks, hon. I ground the beans myself," Irma replies, walking off. A series of 'clops' can be heard.

"Why is she wearing golf shoes?" Momoko wonders.

"I'd rather not know," Nick replies, pushing his cup away.

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The phone rings. Momoko picks it up, only to hear...

"I won't go out with you!"

Momoko quickly hangs up, confused. "I wonder who that was?"

Nick slaps his forehead. "Rejected by wrong numbers!"

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"I warned you about laziness, Nick. You can't just lie around all day. You gotta be alert," Momoko explains.

Nick can be seen stuck inside a jumbo-sized vacuum cleaner bag. "Just open the bag," Nick demands.

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Nick walks up to see Momoko with a look of intense pain on her face.

"Hmmm... what do we have here?" Nick wonders. "Let me guess... hot coffee in the lap?"

"The pain...!"

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"A little to the left... a little more... and a teeny bit back to the right..." Momoko directs.

A VERY sleepy Nick can be seen with his hand extended. A cup of coffee is a couple feet from Nick.

"Okay, now come straight ahead slowly..."

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"Poor Nick... he doesn't stand a chance against me," Momoko states, holding a few snowballs in her hand. "For **I** have the element of surprise. He'll never know what hit him..."

We pan up to the top of their house, where Nick can be seen leaning on a massive snowball.

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Nick can be seen building a snowman as his girlfriend walks up.

"Cute," Momoko states. "What do you call it?"

_SPLAT!!_

"A clever ruse," Nick replies. Momoko can be seen sprawled out on the snow with the snowman's head in her face.

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"I can't BELIEVE how terrible this dinner roll tastes!!" Momoko exclaims to nobody in particular as Nick walks up. Nick ignores Momoko's comment and eats said dinner roll.

"Nice try," Nick taunts.

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Nick, Doremi, and Onpu can be seen playing a card game.

"Okay, how many cards?" Onpu asks.

"Three," Nick replies.

"And the dealer takes one," Doremi responds, laying a card down.

"I'll bet two..." Onpu continues, laying two cards down.

Nick walks over to Momoko, who is sitting on the couch. Nick shows her his cards, waiting for a response.

"Call, and raise," Momoko advises. As Nick walks off, she states to the viewer, "I'll yell at him after he stops winning."

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Momoko walks up, looking like she's about to faint.

"One minute I'm freezing, the next I'm burning up. I think I'll go lay down," Momoko states, walking off.

"Fun with the thermostat," Nick explains.

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"You have to calm down, Nick. You're obsessed with getting older," Momoko explains to her boyfriend, only to have him pluck something off of her head and show it to her.

"A GRAY HAIR!!!"

"Welcome, sister. We've been expecting you," Nick states.

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"Here, a pride of lions prepare to gorge themselves," the television announcer narrates. "They roar in triumph over their prey... then we see them pass out linen napkins and finger bowls."

"SISSIES!!" Nick exclaims.

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"_Ohayou_, this is Momoko Asuka," Momoko talks into the phone, not noticing a nearby microphone. "I'd like to order a large pizza with everything, to be delivered. Thank you."

As Momoko walks away, Nick stands into view, holding the microphone and a tape recorder. "Now _there's _a little tape that's going to come in handy."

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"Stop me if you've heard this one," Nick states to his imaginary audience, only to be knocked off stage by a boot to the face.

"Let me rephrase that..."

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"I wonder what Nick does when I'm not looking..." Momoko wonders. "Let's find out."

Momoko walks up to the nearby couch, looks over it, and gasps. "I don't believe it!"

Nick and Doremi are playing cards. "Neither do I," Nick states. "Doremi-chan just drew to an inside straight."

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Nick is about to cut into his steak, when suddenly, it begins talking.

"Don't eat me! You're fat enough already!"

"Who the heck are you?" Nick shoots back.

"This is your conscience speaking."

"I don't have a conscience that I know of," Nick continues.

"I know. I'm free-lancing."

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"Hey, Nick, it says that people can perform superhuman feats of strength during great stress. What malarkey!" Momoko exclaims. "By the way, you've got a doctor's appointment today."

A television comes flying at Momoko.

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"You can't hide from me forever, Nick. I'm going to find you and take you to the doctor!" Momoko exclaims. "You may be sneaky, but I'm sneakier. 'Sneaky' is my middle name!"

Momoko's couch is moving. It turns out Nick is under the couch, moving it.

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"AHA!! There you are, Nick!" Momoko exclaims, looking under their bed. "Now you're going to the doctor!"

She reaches under the bed and grabs... a lock of ruby red hair.

"Sorry, Doremi-chan."

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"I wish I could find Nick's hiding spot so I can take him to the doctor," Momoko states, taking the laundry out of the dryer and loading it into a basket. "He's sure hiding in a good place."

After Momoko walks away, Nick comes out of the dryer, his hair all frizzy.

"A good place... not a smart place... but a good place..."

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Momoko can be seen sleeping peacefully. Suddenly, she opens her eyes.

"Don't you dare."

Nick is sitting on Momoko's lap, a trumpet in his hands. "I don't know what you're talking about."

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"Nick, I know you hate Mondays, but everything that could possibly happen to you has already happened," Momoko giggles. Just then, all the lights go out, leaving them in total darkness.

"Au contraire, power failure breath."

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"Well, Nick, as long as the power's off, we might as well go out. I have my bowling ball! Let's go bowling!"

"Get your fingers out of my eyes and your thumb out of my mouth, and I'll consider it."

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Nick is holding a soda can in his hand, and begins to shake it wildly.

A few seconds later, Nick walks up to Momoko, handing her the soda he just shook. "Oh, thanks, Nick!"

Momoko opens the can, only to point it at Nick, who gets a face full of soda.

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"Hey, Nick?"

Momoko walks up to Nick, who is fast asleep.

"Hey, you want to go on a picnic?"

"Give the bugs and snakes my regrets. I ain't going."

Momoko smirks and lifts one side of their bed up, sending Nick sprawling to the floor.

"I'll get you for this, Monday!"

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We now focus on a dark city street in the dead of night. Nick stands by a lamp post, looking cool. "This looks like the perfect spot for a clandestine rendezvous."

Nick looks behind him, and sees his fellow agent, who looks like Doremi. "Ah, here comes my double agent now."

Doremi whispers to Nick, "Eeeawkey, 43, and the letter C..."

Nick whispers back, "An infant in your lap may dampen your spirits..."

Suddenly, three enemy agents appear who bear striking resemblances to Hazuki, Aiko, and Onpu.

"Oh, no! It's counter intelligence!" Nick exclaims, shifting into fighting stance.

"Down in front, Nick," Momoko states. Nick is actually standing in front of the TV, which is displaying a spy movie.

"_Quiet, you fool! You could blow my cover!!"_

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"I hate Mondays," Nick addresses the audience as he leans on a table leg. "And just why do I hate Mondays?"

Suddenly, the table leg broke and the table's contents came crashing down onto Nick.

"Because Mondays hate me."

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"So, Nick, how was your first airplane ride?" Momoko asks her boyfriend as they got off the plane to their vacation spot.

"Aside from the nausea, cramps, and indigestion, I'm fine," Nick replies. Apparently, he doesn't like flying on planes.

"Have a nice day," the stewardess states to the couple. Nick looks disgusted.

"_Have a nice day?!"_

Suddenly, Nick whips out his Shining Poron and turns on the stewardess. "Let her live, Nick! LET HER LIVE!!" Momoko exclaims, holding her boyfriend back.

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Momoko is sitting down at the dinner table, having a sandwich. Nick picks up a hamburger, a devilish grin on his face.

"There's no way I can eat all this food. It's time for a _food fight!!_"

Just then, from completely out of nowhere, a blueberry pie comes flying and smacks Nick in the face.

"You stay out of this, Monday!"

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Nick walks up to Momoko, holding a baton in one hand and what appears to be a gong. Nick slams the baton into the "gong", which makes a loud sound.

"I suppose YOU can fix better pancakes!!" Momoko exclaims.

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Momoko walks into the living room, only to see Nick with a lamp shade on his head.

"Um... Nick?"

"What broken lamp?"

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"Hey, Nick, you wanna go to the park?" Momoko asks.

"Um... I guess..."

"All right then, you know the rules. No flower stomping, and..."

"Yeah, yeah. No swan maiming."

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Momoko walks out in the snowy landscapes, a content smile on her face.

"Ah, winter... the snowflakes gently falling... the hills blanketed in white..."

She stops upon seeing Nick, whose face is stuck in the nearby statue by a pool of ice.

"My boyfriend's face frozen in the birdbath..."

"Just get the ice pick."

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Nick is standing by Momoko's bed. Momoko is sleeping peacefully, but Nick looks impatient.

"Momoko should be making breakfast for us..." Nick states. "But it's hard for her to wake up early on a Saturday..."

Nick holds up a water balloon. "Which is why god invented water balloons."

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"We're a bit slow today, hon," Irma stated, walking up to the counter. "Our cook went home."

"Was it the flu?" Momoko asks.

"Anthrax," Irma replied.

"This is where I run screaming into the street," Nick states to the audience.

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"Say, Irma-chan, do you give free refills on coffee?" Momoko asks.

"Interesting question, hon. No one's ever asked for a second cup," Irma replies. Momoko looks at her cup with a gaze of surprise.

"Antidote, please," Nick says to no one in particular.

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"People have different ways of handling depression," Nick addresses the viewers. "Some cry, some more around..."

Momoko stands up and walks forward, only to trip and fall flat on her face.

"Some tie shoelaces together," Nick continues.

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"Cooking pot on the head!!" Nick exclaims, slamming a cooking pot onto Momoko's head and banging on it a few times. Momoko doesn't look too happy.

"You're not laughing..." Nick states.

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Nick stands there with a devilish grin as Momoko walks by. "Momoko doesn't suspect a thing..."

As Momoko walks off camera, Nick's grin disappears. "Kinda makes me wish I was up to something..."

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Nick is out on a stage, dancing like crazy. "Thank you for that standing ovation!!"

Nick suddenly stops dancing, pointing towards the stage.

"_Come back here!!"_

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"I'm glad you agree with my 'no snacks at night' rule, Nick. ...Nick? Are you standing over me with a fork?"

"And about this far from deranged."

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Author's Note: And that's Act I! Check back in a few days for Act II!

Cheers,

S.P.D. Gold Ranger


	2. Act II

Author's Note: Okay, it's showtime again! In this second act, good old Fami-chan gets into the action! Enjoy!

_Ojamajo Doremi Comedy Theater Act II_

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It's baseball day, and Aiko steps up to the plate, proudly swinging the bat. "_Yosha!!_" she exclaims.

Just behind her, Nick has on his catcher's outfit. "No batter! No batter!"

Just then, Momoko throws a fastball, and it smacks Aiko in the face, sending her straight to the ground. "_Itai..._"

"No batter anymore," Nick comments.

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Now, it's Onpu who steps up to the plate. "_Yosh!_" she exclaims.

"Hey, batter, batter, batter, HEY, batter, batter, batter, HEY, batter..."

Another fastball from Momoko comes flying forwards, knocking Onpu into a tailspin before she falls to the ground.

"Duck!!" Nick states a little too late.

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Doremi steps up to the plate, and she looks scared of Momoko's pitching.

"Oh... I'm scared! Can I use the bat to protect my head?" Doremi asks, only to be nailed by another pitch. This one sends her flying into the gate behind the umpire.

"Apparently not," Nick comments.

"Walk it off, Doremi-obaa-chan!!" Fami exclaims, cheering her granddaughter on.

(Author's Note: Now we know that Momoko sucks at pitching...)

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Momoko walks by her rather large player piano, only to hear it playing an upbeat tune, apparently all by itself. This doesn't sit too well with the yellow witch apprentice.

"MY PIANO'S POSSESSED!! THERE'S AN EVIL SPIRIT IN MY PIANO!!!" Momoko shouts before running off in a panic.

Just then, the trunk of the piano opens and out pops Nick.

"You take that back!!"

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Things seem calm, that is, until the phone rings, and Nick nearly jumps out of his skin. When he lands, he swings his arm, slapping the phone right off of the table.

"Little high-strung today, aren't we?" Momoko asks.

"I'm kinda tense. So sue me," Nick responds.

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Nick spots a chicken nearby, but before he can grab a piece of it...

"NICK!!"

Thinking on his feet, Nick grabs the chicken and points it towards Momoko. "Don't take another step! This chicken is loaded!"

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Momoko and Fami are sitting on the couch, watching television. Nick is curled up in Momoko's arms, and baby Hana is asleep in Fami's arms.

"Do you have any pets in your future, Fami-chan?" Momoko asks.

"I grew up with four of them," Fami responded. "Cutest little things I've ever seen..."

"What were their names?"

"Let's see... there was 'Cat', 'Cat', 'Cat', and 'Cat'."

This surprised Momoko. "No names?"

"What's the point of naming a pet that won't come when you call it?"

"Good point."

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Momoko can be seen sleeping peacefully, but soon enough, the blanket she's covered with slowly slides away. She opens her eyes and sees Nick at the foot of her bed, pulling the sheets off of the bed.

"Hungry, Nick?"

"Bingo."

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Momoko can be seen drinking a soda, but suddenly, a plate full of food smacks her in the back of her head. Momoko turns around to see Nick with a look of disgust on his face.

"Let me guess... you're trying to tell me you don't like your meal?"

"In my own subtle way."

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Momoko can suddenly hear a flipping sound.

"Are you playing with the blinds again, Nick?"

Nick can now be seen stuck inside a rolled-up window blind.

"I could just scream."

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Nick can be seen sleeping peacefully. Just then...

"HEY, NICK!! LET'S GO JOGGING!!"

Nick quickly zips under the nearby chair, but Momoko easily lifts it up.

"AHA!!"

Nick quickly swipes at Momoko's leg, who yelps in pain.

Just then, the chair falls right on top of Nick. "This is one of those times when I should have considered the consequences of my actions."

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"I'm bored," Nick states to nobody in particular. Momoko, Fami, and Doremi can be seen behind him.

Suddenly, from completely out of nowhere, Nick screams quite loudly.

"That helped," Nick states. Everyone else looks shocked out of their minds.

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Momoko walks in, carrying a bag of groceries.

"NICK!! I'M..."

Suddenly, Momoko has fallen to the floor.

"Home..."

Nick can be seen cuddling against her legs.

"Got you again."

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The barred door slams down on Nick. He looks like he doesn't have a damn clue as to what's going on.

"How'd I get into this fix? One minute I'm free as a bird, then I'm in the city pound. Where did I go wrong?"

Nick grimaces as he looks through the bars. "I'm just a number in here. I've almost forgotten what it's like on the outside."

Suddenly, Nick turns furious... "IT'S NOT RIGHT TO CAGE A WILD ANIMAL!!"

Then, he heads into a panic. "THOSE FOUR WALLS ARE CLOSING IN ON ME!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!"

Suddenly, to his left, a girl with long pink hair says, "You've only been here two minutes."

Nick returns to his normal stance. "I know, but this is my first shot at a prison scene."

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"It's time for another appointment, Nick!!" Momoko exclaims with a little too much enthusiasm as she heads to get her coat.

"Sometimes I think Momoko uses me as an excuse to see that male doctor," Nick states to himself as he hears a door slam.

"Especially when she forgets to take me with her..."

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Nick and Momoko are now driving to the Asuka farmhouse.

"Now, remember, Nick, when we get to the farm, you're there to relax, okay?"

Nick simply nods.

"I know last time you wanted to be helpful... but you do NOT grow chickens by planting chickens in the ground!!"

"It was an honest mistake."

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Momoko looks down as she's driving. "Nick! Get out of there!!"

Nick pops up. "The light DOES turn off when the glove compartment is closed..."

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A tent has been pitched, and the moon has risen. "Welcome to our first night of camping, Nick. Enjoy!!"

Just then, a massive roar shakes the entire area. Nick is out of the tent in a flash.

"YOU enjoy. I'll be waiting in the car."

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Nick is in the middle of a large field, looking a little scared. "It's Monday. Nothing good ever happens to me on Mondays. So I'm going to stand in the middle of this big field all day, where I can't get hurt."

The instant Nick finishes saying this, a massive piano falls on top of him.

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Nick walks towards the breakfast table, only to stop with a shocked look on his face. He looks towards his cereal, where two fins are sticking out.

"You know it's Monday when you find sharks circling in your cereal."

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Momoko sets her suitcase down on a nearby table, all dressed for a beach trip. "Look out, sunny beaches, here comes Momoko Asuka!!"

Just then, Nick pops out of the suitcase and strikes a heroic pose. "And her sidekick, Lawrence of Boxer Shorts!!"

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Nick is laying in his bed, bored as all get out.

"I'm bored... bored, bored, bored. I hate Monday. I hate routine."

Suddenly, Nick looks over at his food plate and gets an idea.

Momoko suddenly notices Nick with his food plate on his head, making very weird noises.

"It's going to be one of those weeks..."

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Nick points out to no one in particular. A fork and spoon are resting in front of him.

"Where in god's name is it written that I have to act like a kid?!" Nick exclaims, picking up the utensils and holding them against his head. "Why can't I act like a moose instead?"

Momoko walks up. "Stop being silly, Nick."

"Careful, fella. I've gored people for less than that."

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Nick walks up to his breakfast bowl, only to have it explode all over his face.

"You know it's Monday when you discover a land mine in your breakfast."

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"Um, Nick?"

Momoko walks up to Nick, who has his mouth closed tightly for some reason.

"What happened to my candy caramels?"

"Mon't mook at meef..."

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Nick bats at the curtain string, only to be sucked straight into it, hanging by his hands.

"I'm beginning to dread Mondays..."

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"I think I'll do some singing tonight," Nick says to himself, only to be whacked in the head by a flying flowerpot.

"HOLD IT!! WAIT UNTIL I'M ON THE STAGE, YOU TWIT!!!"

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"Hey, milk and cookies!!" Momoko exclaims, noticing a plate of the aforementioned Christmas treat sitting on the table.

Behind the nearby wall, Nick is hiding, waiting for something. He hears a rather loud "TWANG" and springs into action, noticing that Momoko has been tangled up in a net.

"NICK!!!"

"Hey, you're not Santa!!"

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Nick is walking towards his food. "Starting today, I no longer recognize Mondays!!"

Just then, he slips on a rubber ball and falls face-first into his food.

"Unfortunately, they still recognize _me._"

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Nick walks along the nearby wall, where there are tons of tiny door-shaped holes. He comes across Momoko, who doesn't look too happy.

Nick looks at her. "What mice?"

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Nick is laying on his side, bored yet again. "They should give out awards for dull days..."

Just then, Momoko walks up, holding a marker. "Hey, Nick! I'll bet if I connect all the splattered bugs on my windshield, I can make a picture!"

Nick sighs again. "We'd have a trophy case the size of Canada..."

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"This salad is actually pretty good," Nick states, looking at his garden salad.

In the kitchen, Momoko can't seem to find something. "HEY!! Where's the French bread?!"

Back to Nick, there is a whole loaf of the aforementioned bread sitting on top of the salad. "Needed a crouton."

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Nick suddenly comes rushing up, pointing at something in the sky.

"WHAT?! WHERE?!" Momoko exclaims, looking upwards and away from her chicken dinner.

The next second, both Nick and the chicken are gone.

"He did it again..."

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Nick bats at the curtain string, only to be sucked straight into it yet again, hanging by his hands.

"I'll lay you ten to one I'm here 'till Saturday."

(Author's Note: You'd think he would know not to play with that stupid string by now?)

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Momoko lets out a yelp from far off.

"Paper cut," Nick states.

Momoko suddenly lets out a much louder yelp.

"Envelope cut."

Suddenly, Momoko screams quite loudly.

"And that would be the stamp cut."

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_Friday night..._

Momoko is staring at the phone. Nick is just standing there.

"I bet the ringer is busted," Momoko states.

"Right, sure, yeah, we'll run with that," Nick replies.

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"Nobody tells me what to do!!" Momoko exclaims, slamming her fist down onto the table. Suddenly, she buries her head in her arms and begins crying.

"I wish they would!! I have no idea what I'm doing!!"

Nick pats her on the back. "It's okay, Momoko. Nobody does."

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"The weather is getting cooler, Nick. You know what that means?"

"You're going to notice that window I broke?"

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Nick walks up, pointing a bottle of something towards Momoko.

"What the... syrup?" Momoko wonders.

Nick squeezes the bottle a bit. "Make me pancakes or I'll hose you."

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"Two tickets for the aquarium, please," Momoko states to the ticket lady.

"Sorry, ma'am, you'll have to leave that outside."

Momoko looks towards Nick, an annoyed look on her face.

"Hand over the harpoon, Nick."

"Party pooper."

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"SOMEONE HELP!!" Fami's panicked voice exclaims.

Momoko turns to Nick. "All right, hand it over."

"What duct tape?"

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"Monday..." Nick states. Just then, a pie hits him right in the face.

"Class dismissed."

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"Oh, great!! My back gave out... I can't move at all!!" Momoko exclaims.

"Really?" Nick exclaims, rushing off.

"The last pudding cup is MINE, mister!!"

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"Don't let my docile appearance fool you. I have a lot of pent-up energy..."

Nick looks around.

"...in a box around here somewhere."

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Nick hops out of the car. Suddenly...

"Hey, where's my suitcase?"

Just then, the aforementioned suitcase comes flying from the car, thwacks Nick on the head, and knocks him out cold. Momoko jumps out of the car.

"Oh, sorry, Nick! I didn't hurt you, did I?"

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"It's the weekend," Nick states. "Boredom is at the door..."

Momoko comes up, with watermelon seeds on her face. "Hey, watermelon seeds stick to your face!!"

"...and walks right in without knocking."

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Author's Note: And there's the second act! The final act is coming soon!!

Sayonara,  
S.P.D. Gold Ranger


	3. Act III

Author's Note: Contrary to what I said before, this will not be the final act of the funny. And, I'm sorry it's been so long. Here goes Act III!!

_Ojamajo Doremi Comedy Theater Act III_

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Nick is standing by the calendar.

"Ah, a new year approaches!! Full of hope!! Full of promise!!"

_THUD!!!_

The chunk of wall holding the calendar falls on top of Nick.

"Full of Mondays..."

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"I'm in a playful mood, Nick," Momoko states. "And when I'm in a playful mood, that can only mean one thing..."

Momoko starts writing something.

"...chess by mail!!!"

Nick suddenly looks at the audience.

"Do you feel that? That's electricity in the air!!!"

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Momoko can be seen reading the newspaper.

"Well, the polar ice caps are melting."

Nick looks on. "So?"

Momoko looks at Nick with an angry stare. "From now on, **I** set the thermostat!!!"

"Oh, sure, blame me!!"

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Momoko looks down.

"I put my pants on backwards again... DAMN IT!!!!"

Nick shakes his head.

"And another new year's resolution goes blooey..."

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A spider walks up to Nick.

"Don't swat me!!"

Nick swats it with a newspaper anyway.

"Wait, did you say 'don't'?"

"**THAT'S A RATHER MOOT POINT AT THIS JUNCTURE, DON'T YOU THINK?!!"**

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"_Bob, we've only got three seconds before the bomb explodes!! Cut the red wire, not the green one!!"_

"_Bernice, there's something I've always wanted to tell you."_

"_Yes?"_

"_I'm color-blind."_

Nick waves at the TV.

"Sayonara, Bob and Bernice."

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"Another rainy Sunday..."

Nick is sitting on the couch.

"Rainy Sundays are always the same... the steady patter of rain on the roof..."

Nick gets up and starts walking, passing by the furnace.

"The comforting thrum of the furnace in the basement... the sound of water rushing through the gutters and downspouts..."

Nick stops at the window.

"Momoko shrieking at the top of her lungs..."

Nick puts his ear to the window and listens for a few seconds.

Outside, it is indeed raining quite heavily. Momoko, still in her pajamas and clutching the newspaper, is banging on the door to no avail, getting thoroughly soaked in the process.

"_**NICK, UNLOCK THE DOOR THIS MINUTE!!!!!"**_

"Ah, there it is..." Nick comments.

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"Nick, Mrs. Feeny is on the phone."

"Give her my love."

"She's angry with you again."

"She's beautiful when she scowls."

"I can hear her teeth grinding."

"In her mouth, or in the glass?"

"She wants to know where her bloomers are."

"They're now a circus tent in Baraboo, Wisconsin."

"...along with her dog..."

"He's driving the tiny clown car."

"AND MR. FEENY?!!"

"Oh, he went, too. He loves that little dog."

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"Momoko, you are such a klutz. Get off the floor."

"YOU PUSHED ME OFF MY CHAIR, NICK!!!"

"And WHY must you dwell on the past?!"

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"Who wants pizza?" Momoko giggles. Then, she looks down.

"Nick, what are you doing?"

"My today-really-stunk-until-this-moment dance."

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Nick walks up to a metallic-looking Christmas tree and hugs it.

Suddenly, Nick looks up, suspicious of something.

He taps the tree a few times, each tap emitting a metallic sound.

Nick looks to the right in anger, then picks up the tree and hauls it off camera.

_DONK!!!_

"OW!!!! Okay, we'll get a real one!!!"

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Nick walks along, only to see a sideways mouse hole.

"Isn't that sideways?"

A mouse pops out of the hole.

"Let's just say I'm not happy with my contractor."

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"Nick, help!!! I'm stuck in the bathtub!! I'M PRUNING UP!!!"

Nick looked towards the bathroom, suddenly grimacing.

"Let the air out of your inner-tube ducky, you dork!!!"

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"Oh, COME ON, now!! ... Okay, here we go, here we go, here we go... OH, FOR THE LOVE OF--"

"Putting practice," Nick explains.

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"My Uncle Roy was very wise, Nick."

Momoko giggled at that. "One day he took me aside and said 'Momoko... don't put your head under the tractor'."

Nick facepalmed. "If only Momoko had listened..."

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"You know, Nick, a smile is like sunshine..."

"Just like my Uncle Leo."

"...a ray of joy..."

"He always had a smile."

"To share with the world."

"Until that little incident with the denture weevils."

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Momoko walks into the bedroom, looking quite exhausted.

"Well, it took all day... but I finally got that damn tree to stand up straight!!"

Nick looked out the door.

"Nailing it to the wall doesn't count."

Momoko did an anime fall at that.

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"Hey, Nick? I'm heading to the mall to find a Christmas present for Yuki-chan. You wanna come?"

"Sure."

"Remember, no elf slapping."

"Hey, if you wear green tights, you take your chances!!!"

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Momoko is riding the downwards escalator at the mall.

Just then, she sees Nick riding another escalator upwards.

"GET DOWN HERE, NICK!!!"

"I can see your bald spot!!"

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Nick clicks the remote's channel button.

"BUY THESE!!! TAKE 'EM HOME AND STUFF 'EM IN YOUR MOUTH!!! CHEW THEM!!! SWALLOW THEM!!! SO BUY THEM!! AND EAT THEM!! EAT THEM!!! EAT THEM!!!! OH, PULEEEEEEEEEEZE BUY THEM!!!"

"Ed's International House of Fruitcakes," Nick explains with a grin on his face.

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It's Misora High School's New Year's Eve party, and Nick and Momoko are in each other's arms, dancing the night away.

"You know, I'm glad we can finally spend New Year's Eve together, Momoko."

"Me, too, Nick. The last few years have been heck for us with those dark freaks constantly interrupting us. I'm just glad to be here with you..."

Suddenly, Nick heard ringing.

"Should I answer that?"

"Answer what?" Momoko giggled, leaning forward so she and her boyfriend could kiss each other, ignoring the now-incessant ringing and pretty much losing themselves to the sensations.

Cut to Moriko and Hana, the former of who's holding a phone.

"I got his voice mail!! They ARE kissing!!" Moriko exclaimed. "I'll pay you tomorrow."

"Five dollars for Hana-chan!!" Hana giggled.

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Nick is walking down the driveway, greeting the morning.

"Hello, birds in the trees!! Hello, sun in the sky!! Hello-- WHOA!!!"

Nick then falls into a hole.

"Hello, pothole in the driveway..."

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It's pitch black. All we can see are Nick's eyes.

"It's that time of night. Time to sneak out to the fridge for a midnight snack."

But when Nick does get to the fridge and opens it, nothing happens. No light, nothing. Nick's eyes go wide.

"AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"

Cut to Momoko, who is smiling deviously and holding the refrigerator bulb in her hand.

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Nick looks up when he hears a knock at the door.

"Nick? Nick, open the door!!!"

Nick ignores this.

"Nick, my arms are full of groceries!!"

Nick then zips over to the door and opens it.

"Well, it's about..."

Nick takes the groceries from Momoko and slams the door on her.

"...time..."

"Ooh, cookies!!" Nick states while digging through the bags.

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"Momoko's washing her car," Nick explains while looking outside.

"Finally!! All done!!" Momoko giggles.

Just then, it starts raining. Momoko screams. Nick just smiles.

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Momoko opens the refrigerator door and peeks inside.

"Hmmm..."

After a few seconds, Momoko looks back at Nick.

"Fuzzy leftovers or pizza?"

Nick brandishes the phone.

"Just dial."

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"Okay, Nick, I've hidden your Christmas present where you'll **never** find it."

Nick brought out a feather. Momoko just grinned deviously.

"Tickle me all you want. I'm not giving in."

"She's tougher than I thought," Nick commented.

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"Okay, it's time we made a list of things that need to be done around here," Momoko says.

Suddenly, everything goes black.

"New... kitchen... lightbulb."

"Momoko, _you're writing on my face._"

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Nick walks by Momoko wearing an eskimo suit.

"Morning," the both say to each other.

Suddenly, Momoko realizes something.

"And NO, I'm NOT turning up the heat!!!"

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Nick walks by, looking very battered.

It doesn't take Momoko three guesses to figure it out.

"Mrs. Feeny chased you with her lawn mower again?"

"_She is going down."_

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Author's Note: Okay, that's Act 3!! Keep watching, there'll be more!!

Time to set sail,  
S.P.D. Gold Ranger


End file.
